Current Book - Chapter 1
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CHAPTER 1 - THE INTERNET
I never thought I'd be using the Internet for dating because I always believed that it was only for pathetic losers. Life changed my mind. What follows is a true accounting of events, as is everything in this book, recounted to the best of my abilities.
A friend called me one day to tell me that he'd gotten married. I was shocked because this friend didn't even know the meaning of monogamy, so why would he get married? (He's only twenty-one. So not knowing anything about monogamy is to be expected.) He said he'd met his wife on the Internet and that he was totally happy. Because of her, he said, he's become a one-woman man. She's his life and his world.
I admit to being jealous because this person is half my age. Damn, I said to myself. He got married before I did.
If he'd called earlier and said he was getting married, then I would've tried to talk to him. I probably would've been able to persuade him to wait at least a couple of months. Maybe he would have changed his mind by then. But now, why even argue the matter? The deed was done.
I wished him the best, told him to change his cheating ways and treat her well.
"I will," he said.
Perhaps he has changed, I thought. Some men do change when they meet the right woman. They change their childish ways and do the right thing. Perhaps this is one of those cases. But all-in-all ...
A couple of months later, my telephone rang one night, at around 1:30 am. Half asleep, I grabbed for it and got an earful.
"Drew, you gotta help me; else I'm going to KILL MY WIFE!"
That woke me up. His voice was sincere.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I admit. I screwed up. I was seeing my wife on weekends and living with a woman during the week."
My first thought was that at the age of twenty-one, this guy was already living a DOUBLE LIFE!
In disgust I said, "What's wrong with you? You told me that this woman is your 'life' and 'your world!' Those were your words. What happened to all that crap?"
Blah, Blah, Blah! I didn't believe a word he said.
"First of all, you're supposed to stay with your wife during the week and your mistress during the weekends! But forget all that. Why did you even bring that woman into all your mess? YOU were not ready for marriage!"
A thought hit me.
"Wait a minute," I said. "You told me that you were in the military. Are you even in the military? Because, how can you be living with a woman during the week and your wife on the weekends? Don't you have to live on base?"
"Not when you're married," he said. "The military is very marriage-oriented. When you're married, you can just work the eight hours and then go home to your family. But look, I need you to help me. PLEASE. Talk to my wife."
"What do you mean, talk to your wife? I don't even know her."
" Please Drew! You know how to talk to women and they listen to you. I need you to call her, and right now, because she's having someone come to the house to have sex with her. She wants to get even."
"I don't blame her," I said.
But I couldn't refuse him. This is a dear friend of mine and I love him regardless of his stupidity. "Okay. Give me her number, and I'll call her now."
I won't go into further details because this is story for another book. However, I will say that my conversations with her over the next few weeks were most interesting.
My friend was such a fool. A woman like this was a rare find. Attractive. No kids. Had a job, a career, was financially stable, had a car, an apartment and all she wanted was someone to share it with. However, the "FOOL" didn't realize what he had in her and couldn't leave the Internet alone, thus destroying his marriage of only six months. In all reality, this was the woman I'd been looking for. I wanted her.
But I'm neither a dog nor a back-stabber. This was my friend's woman. So she was off-limits. She mentioned that she met my friend on Blackplant.com (BP), a dating website. I actually told her, "You're the woman I always wanted. There has got to be another woman like you on that website. I'm going on Black Planet to try my luck."
"Don't do it!" she cried. "You see what happened to me."
"Yeah, but I'm smarter than my friend. And I'm not promiscuous."
I've always been the kind of person who needs to know details about everything. I wanted more intelligence on this website, so I went to see Mike, a co-worker and cool guy, to ask him for his opinion.
"Do you know anything about Black Planet?"
"Yep. I'm on there," he said with a smirk.
"You're kidding me."
He didn't look like the type of person who would be looking for women on a website. Then again, just what did that kind of person look like? And I must've sensed something about him deep inside. Why else would I have asked him, right?
"I'm thinking of going on Black Planet."
"Don't do that to yourself," he said, as if I was contemplating suicide. "The women on there are head cases, "HEADCASES" ... and the strippers will only play with your head". He meant every word he said ... and I should have taken heed; but I had my mind made up at the time; and when I have my mind made up - I'm stubborn to change it. BP, here I come!
Since Mike is on there he knows how to set up a page and download pictures. So he helped me establish myself BP. I selected a name that I thought suited me well ...CONFIDENTIALL (that's with 2 L's). That name describes me just right since I'm a secretive guy. Also, it's a name that I have already used on the Party Lines. Back in the early 80's, there used to be phone services called Party Lines; were you met people over the phone. It was 50 cents the 1st minute and 10 cents each additional minute. Sounds cheap ... right ... ? But when you got the phone bill that month, it was an $800 phone bill. That isn't cheap. At that time, everyone was getting their phones shut off.
Well, the Party Lines are not much different than the Internet dating sites of today. Basically the two are run with the same principal. Try to capture a woman's interest with conversation, get her phone number then call her, see if you have anything in common, then meet her. Today, instead of meeting people over the phone, you're doing it over the computer. It seems everything is done over the computer these days. The only difference is, with the Internet ... you can see the person's picture and know what they look like before you actually meet them. With the phone, you can only go by how the person has described themselves. Many times I have got caught out there. Women describe themselves to be beautiful and when you actually meet them and take them to a restaurant, you don't know whether to order steak or bananas! That's how ugly they are. We are talking gorilla-looking proportions.
Mike scanned a picture of myself. I chose one of the pictures I took from working at Ground Zero. Interesting picture. I was at work standing in front of my cubicle at work, wearing an orange rain-suit, with a construction helmet under my arm marked Nuke them All! After registering on the site and scanning the picture and setting the background of the page, Mike says: you're ready to go. Go get em' player! Good luck! Damn I should have listened to him and stayed off the Internet. The people on the Internet can lie. Damn they can lie!
One dating story:
I met this woman online. After talking to her for a minute, we decided to meet at a mutual place after work. I really must have gotten over this woman because I can't even remember her name.
Well, she was a light-skinned woman, very cute, nice smile, long lovely blond silky-soft hair. You can definitely tell this woman was mixed. We both liked what we saw in our appearances and decided that we can go to the next level and go out on 1st date for the next day. Well, since tomorrow is pay day and all my bills were paid up; and I can afford it, I will go all out for this one. Like I said ... this one was VERY CUTE! I started preparing for the date on my lunch hour. I ordered a dozen yellow long-stem roses from the florist. Yellow roses mean friendship Then I took the roses to the restaurant and paid the waiter to execute my demands per my request. I went to the store and brought one of those cheap $3 supermarket (red) roses. Red roses mean love. This was the decoy rose. Then I went to the Hallmark store and brought a friendship card with a cute small teddy bear and a gift bag to put them all in. After work, I rushed to the corner of the restaurant, B-Smiths, popular restaurant in New York City and greeted her. I gave her the gift bag with the rose, teddy bear and card and she was quite surprised. The gift bag was to throw her off from the main surprise. Surely on a 1st date, a small gift such as the gift bag along with dinner, a woman would not be expecting anything more from me except of me wanting sex from her! When we sat down and ordered dinner; as per my instructions, we were in the middle of the restaurant, which was packed with customers and in front of everyone, our waiter brought on a silver platter the dozen yellow long-stemed roses and placed it in front of her. She flushed to the point where I almost called the fire-department! Everyone in the restaurant looking at us. Women thought it was a lovely gesture; but the men gave me the evil eye thinking I'm causing trouble for them by showing off. With her hand shaking over her mouth, and her eyes wide open she said: You got me! You got me! Thank you! Believe it or not, the grateful smile on her face meant more to me than if she had actually gave me some at the end of the night.
After dinner, we went down town and I showed her some visitor sites such as the African Burial Ground, Alexander Hamilton's grave (one of the Dead Presidents (who "was not" a President) that's on the $10 bill); most New Yorker's don't even recognize this as a tourist site. Holding hands, we walked to the Marina behind Ground Zero which we sat down on the park bench by the water with great conversation and saw fire-works in the harbor that were being set off in honor for the Families of Ground Zero Heroes. The fireworks made it seem like we had God's approval of the friendship. At least to me it did.
It's 10:30 pm now and she said that she didn't want to leave but had to go home to get her child ready for school the next day and had to get him something to eat. Well I brought him McDonalds since we were right by one and this way she didn't have to go home and worry about cooking. I walked her to the train station; all the way to the train's platform and when the train came, we shared our 1st kiss. Somewhat quick, sensual, the best kiss you can get before the train doors close; then I left to go home. When I got upstairs from the train station, I actually jumped up and clicked my feet together in victory! I'm feeling good - yes I do! (smile). By the time I got home there was a note from her on BP. Too bad I didn't keep the note to show you - but it said ... This is it! You don't have to try to convince me anymore! I'm Sold! I wanna take this to the next level. Next level is spending weekends.
Next level, the following Friday, I spend the night at her house. Where she was receiving phone calls from her ex finance. Of course you know the drill for this. Company at the house - KEEP QUIET! She'll try to get him off the phone as soon as she can - which is about an hour. While I sit down in a chair, pretending everything is ok, while you say to myself "Why am I here ... ? I need to just get up, say goodbye and leave them to their drama." After the phone call, I said to her, it looks like you have unfinished business. No, no, no ...I caught him cheating and I left him and he's having a hard time letting go. Are you sure ... ? I asked with my right eye-brow raised. Looking like "The Rock" on wrestling. "YES" ... responding all sure and confident. Ok I said.
Two weeks later. For me...everything seems to happen within two weeks. Now she's supposed to be coming to my house for the weekend. But she cancels saying that she taking her son to the movies and then she is going to meet the ex around 2 pm because he has something important to tell her. You know what's about to happen here ... right...? My attitude is: we have only been talking for three weeks ...so what the hell! I see it coming though! Don't worry she says, I just want to hear what he got to say so he will leave me alone. This had reminded me of what Eddie Murphy said on his special, "RAW"; if a man pleases a woman well enough in bed, no matter how badly that man screws up ... she will listen to what he has to say. Truth been told. She says: "I should be back home around 6 pm". S-u-r-e you are I'm thinking. Six O'clock - no call. Eight O'clock - no call. Ten O'clock - no call.
Analogy of FOX 5 NEWS, Channel 5 NYC before it starts ..."It's 10 PM ... do you know where your woman is ... ?"
So I called her at Ten O'clock. She answers the cell phone, "I'm in the movies right now with my son and the ex; he said would have paid for the ticket ...so I figured, I can save my money. I'll talk to you about it when I get home". I didn't wait for her, I fell asleep; and woke up 1:30 am with a message from her on my answering machine; word-from-word:
"Hello, Andrew, I can't see you anymore, it's nothing you did, let's leave it at that."
H-e-l-l No ... we're not going to leave it at that! Even though I know the answer, she's going to give me an explanation. I had to blow up her phone the next day in order to get in touch with her - nevertheless - I got her! What happened!?! It was the same speech people give when they're cheating ... "It's not you it's me." "I don't need you to tell me it's you - I KNOW IT'S YOU!!!" "What I want to know is WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!" Just tell me the truth and I'll be happy and go about my way...you went back to your ex! No I didn't. [THE LIES ... ] Stop lying. Everything about your actions cries out - I went back to him! I just need time to myself she responded. Ok ... you have it. Nothing more need to be said.
Needless to say ...six months after ... I start getting e-mails from her again after she saw me online. Like people say ... when you least expect it - they will contact you. By this time, I'm in a relationship with someone else who was living with me. Hi Andrew ... how are you ... here is my number call me. I didn't respond. Couple of days later ... Why are you acting like that ...here's my number again ... call me. I called my lady over and asked her what's her problem and she responded; can't you read between the lines:
- I screwed up.
- It didn't work out with the guy I left you for.
- You were good to me.
- I wanna pick up were we left off.
About two years later I seen her online and decided to talk to her. She admitted that she went back to her ex finance because they were supposed to buy a house together. To me ... what good is the house if the two of you are not going to live in it? It's obvious that this man was more financially stable than I was. Yet I did do my share as a man to help her out financially. After all, I did give her money at times and pulled some strings and got her a job interview at the UN where I once worked. She just didn't get the job though.
Now come to think of it....this fool actually asked me what am I coming to the table with ... ? She has no job, accepting my money to help her out, my help with creating her resumes and receiving interviews, has an extra mouth to feed -- asking me what I'm coming to the table with? At least I came to the table with more than Chicken-pox!
Had to go to answer man Mike for his thoughts on what's going on with women these days. I normally go to Mike because he has a way with words; it's easy to comprehend what his thoughts are. Also, due to the fact that he is a religious person, his spirituality rubs off on you. His response was:
I'll say one thing though...GREAT GRAVY she's a head-case, but she's a cute head-case! LOL!!
It's really is sad when people can't just simply say what they mean, and mean what they say.
I find that people in general always want perfection across the board in another person, before they examine themselves.
And the bottom line in that is that people are selfish. Let's look at women.
They usually want a man to be Perfect Physically...so they can brag, or boast about what "they have".
They usually want a man to be Perfect Emotionally/Spiritually/Intellectually ...so they can brag, or boast about what "they have".
They usually want a man to be Perfect Financially...so they can REALLY brag, or boast about what "they have".
Now, let's look at this type of woman who wants this kind of man. In most cases, if she's a "looker" then this is probably the ONLY category where you'll find "some" compatibility. But for this kind of woman...she feels this is all she needs to focus on. Meanwhile...what happens? This "Perfect Man" becomes bored quickly with this woman! Because she's has no substance. She's not rare, she comes a "dime a dozen". This "Perfect Man" feels he can find this woman anywhere, and what happens? He usually does. Because all the while this woman has been bragging and boasting, she's been creating..."envy and jealousy." And usually these "Perfect Men" start to get full of pride; which always takes them down. I use to spend lots of time thinking about this; how people think and what they REALLY want. And when you think about it and if you're honest with yourself...you'll see that everybody's petty, shallow and critical; instead of being honest and sincere.
Well since women don't know what they want ... lets approach dating from a different angle. Let's tell them exactly what "I" want! But by the time I finished writing what I want, the page was too angry. I thought there has got to be a way to get my point across and not seem too harsh. The best way to capture a woman's interest is to make her laugh. Stand-up comedy is based on the truth mixed with sarcasm. It's a shame that one must resort to putting down such criteria as to what someone is looking for; but keep in mind that EACH and EVERY ONE of these do not e-mail me's represents an individual off of BP. But perhaps if women understand where I'm coming from, dating should be easier. So I reconstructed my bio to say:
Ladies please, PLEASE -- read this bio BEFORE YOU SEND AN E-MAIL! I revised my bio so people can understand me better. Women are so busy laughing -- they don`t understand what's being asked! If you don't understand what's being said -- DO NOT E-MAIL ME!
I apologize in advance to anyone whose feelings may be hurt from this message. But there's GOTTA BE some decent woman for me on this God Forsaken Planet.
I am a bachelor in search of a Wife. Once again -- I am marriage-oriented -- looking for a serious long-term relationship that may lead to marriage.
If you are not marriage-oriented -- do not e-mail me.
If you are MARRIED -- DO NOT E-MAIL ME!
If you do not want child/children -- do not e-mail me.
If you have your TUBES TIED -- do not e-mail me.
If you don't have U.S. Citizenship -- do not e-mail me.
If you are relocating anywhere other than NY -- do not e-mail me.
If you just want sex -- do not e-mail me.
If you "JUST" want to be "FRIENDS" -- do not e-mail me.
If you're BAMBOOZLED (indecisive) about your quote "VERY GOOD FRIEND" -- do not e-mail me.
If you think you will be the "ONLY ONE" spoken to on "Blackplanet" -- do not e-mail me.
If you do not have a picture -- do not e-mail me.
If you have a picture with no clothes on -- do not e-mail me.
If you do not look like your picture -- do not e-mail me.
If you have a picture of a cartoon rather than a pic of yourself -- do not e-mail me.
If the room in your picture need cleaning -- do not e-mail me.
If your apartment has more roaches than people -- do not e-mail me.
If your baggage is more than a carry-on -- do not e-mail me.
If you don't have time to spend with a brother -- do not e-mail me.
(REPHRASED) If you don't have time to date -- do not e-mail me.
(REPHRASED AGAIN!) If you don't have time to make a phone call -- do not e-mail me.
If you are going to give out your number but don't answer the phone -- do not e-mail me.
If you are going to give out your number but your number's disconnected -- do not e-mail me.
If you cannot spell -- do not e-mail me.
If you can only respond with one-to-two word notes -- do not e-mail me.
If you are a stripper or an exotic dancer -- do not e-mail me.
If you want me to go to a "PORN SITE" -- do not e-mail me.
If you are bi-sexual, "AND" don't want me in the mix -- do not e-mail me.
If you are "TRANS-SEXUAL" -- DO NOT e-mail me.
If you are "GAY" -- do not e-mail me.
If you "HATE" men -- do not e-mail me.
If you are going to get "MAD" if I eat potato chips during phone sex -- do not e-mail me.
If you going to be "MAD" at me all the time --do not e-mail me.
If you going to bring your "MADNESS" to me-- do not e-mail me.
If you have a stalker after you -- do not e-mail me.
If you have a WARRANT -- do not e-mail me.
If you have a belly with a baby in it -- do not e-mail me.
If you are a vegetarian -- do not e-mail me.
If you are on Psychotic Medication -- do note-mail me.
If you don't live near Gotham City -- do not e-mail me.
If you don't know where Gotham City is - do not e-mail me. (just kidding)
If your bio states you live in New York - but you actually live in New Mexico -- do not e-mail me.
If you are CIA secretive about yourself -- do not e-mail me.
If you are healthy, wealthy, and wise and would take your children to a HOMELESS SHELTER -- to get a FREE APARTMENT -- do not e-mail me.
White people: If you have "KLAN" (KKK) in your immediate family -- do not e-mail me.
AFRICANS / GHANIANS: If you can't afford a plane ticket to get here -- do not e-mail me.
If you are afraid to take chances on a relationship and/or don't know what you want -- do not e-mail me.
If you do not believe what I'm saying in my bio -- do not e-mail me.
If you think that I'm too good to be "TRUE" -- do not e-mail me.
If you are a woman who likes to play games -- I believe there are over 2 million other men on this website you can play with -- do not e-mail me!!!
Serious women please apply.
Now, about myself; I am a black professional who works for a Prestigious Law Firm in New York.
I like movies, dancing, dinner, conversation and sharing feelings. I love to laugh and will pay good money to have fun at comedy clubs.
I love cooking romantic dinners, with romantic settings. It doesn't mean I'm cheap, it means I love to cook! And watch someone enjoy my cooking. No - 911 dialing will not be needed.
I also love SpongeBob SquarePants; which I sing along with the SpongeBob SquarePants Theme Song -- Aye Aye "CAPTAIN".... So if you have a problem with that -- do not e-mail me.
If you love to be wined and dined the old fashion way, somewhat like the movies but better, if you crave attention, if you love being spoiled and treated as someone special, contact me.
Picture a must! Let's not get emotional -- to get disappointed.
If you are offended by what I said in my bio then you need to ask yourself: Was it the words that offended you -- or the rejection!
P.S. #1 Most women believe in the saying: People enter your life for a season, reason or lifetime! IF YOU ARE NOT THINKING LIFETIME -- DO NOT E-MAIL ME!
P.S. #2. In the attached photo, the gear I'm wearing is when I arrived to work from Ground Zero as a Rescue Worker the 1st 6 days. Since everyone is asking about my experience there -- here is one of the news articles that were printed in three New York papers.
Volunteering at Ground Zero: I Was There ...
After hearing the news of the attack on our beloved Twin Towers and being evacuated from UNICEF's office on Third Avenue, I immediately volunteered my services at Ground Zero. Having both medical and construction experience, I helped set up a temporary triage unit and assisted in search and recovery efforts for the next six days. The sight of so many mangled bodies and body part was a horrendous experience that will be embedded in my memory for as long as I live.
So many people came from all over to help. There was a Canadian who drove eight hours to the site and assisted me in a search and rescue within the highly unstable Financial Center, a building that once housed Lehman Brothers and American Express. Another man drove from Washington, D.C. and slept in his car for three days. We worked together to free the body of a victim from the rubble. People came from as far as Japan and Italy to show their support, which was very touching in a moment of great sorrow.
The volunteers who assisted were nurses, doctors, psychologists, masseuses (yes, people giving massages to the tired and battered), people serving food and especially the construction workers. If not for the last, recovery would have been impossible. Everyone worked on despite the horrors of what we saw and the dangers to our own lives, from unstable buildings to the cancer-causing asbestos floating in the air. As we overturned rubble, the dust went into our mouths (despite our face masks), our eyes and our food, and covered our clothes.
Later the night mares came. The shock of a once beautiful place the is now a gigantic crater and mass of burning rubble is one thing to try to comprehend, but to have the body parts of missing persons asking you to find the rest of them is traumatic.
It was great that so many people helped in the midst of our crisis, although unfortunately much more attention has been focused on the city workers than on the volunteers, who came forward at the most crucial time. As the Federal Government stepped in and took over, the rescue became a military operation. Volunteers started feeling more frustrated with security checkpoints and were treated by the National Guard as insignificant or even turned away from the site despite their hard work.
So please, if you ever meet a rescue worker from the World Trade Center, who sacrificed his or her peace of mind, be sure to say, Thank you.
Andrew is a temporary Administrative Assistant in the Division of Human Resources at UNICEF New York.
Now one would think that due to the fact that my bio says exactly what I'm looking for, and what I'm about, the woman that is about to be discussed in this book; which answered my page would be looking for the same thing as I am. You would think so!