Excerpts
These are some excerpts from 500 people (all women) within the book “What the Hell Happened…?” The excerpts from Chapter VI – “The People’s Court” were not edited so the personalities would remain untouched; as to indicate the different walks of life from which people are commenting. You may also find humor as to how ebonics are utilized on the internet. Enjoy.
FACTS
- You must speak in a self deprecating manner pretty often...which lessens a woman's respect for a man. Once the respect goes, so does the “love” and desire. No woman wants a pitiful man.
- Although we complain there is a lack of decent men available when one does come into our lives we don't know how to act. A lot of us do not have the confidence or self esteem to handle a good man so we find some way to sabotage the relationship.
- In order for us (as females) to feel better about the choices we have made...you (the man) has to be the enemy, otherwise, we have to address (and accept) responsibility for the demise of the relationship.
- I really believe that a lot of women such as myself who are fully independent have set out to treat men like they once treated us, if its is sex oh well. We are so lost in deception that we have made it so hard for ourselves to love any one because of how we have been treated; we feel as though our hearts are to numb so we block out the pain; but again want to be love. At this point in life we have take on other men to use as an absorption to heal the pain.
- I was once told that men are logical creatures and the best way to keep them remember a woman forever is to leave without telling them why. It's difficult to accept that, because there doesn't seem to be any logical explanation. It's very unsettling, as it makes us afraid of what to expect from the next person.
- How her relationship was with her father or father figure determines how she will handle men in her life.
- Many of us woman crave for attention, and once we get the attention, especially the attention of someone that we could grow with we try our hardest to find fault within that individual to only subject ourselves to the men that will cheat on us, use us for a comfortable place of residence, and our bank accounts.
- For the life of me, I will never understand why people don't get that about a relationship, it must be maintained to sustained!
- Hope for the best in others and at the same time, expect the worst.
- The “BEST” revenge is living well.
- Always pay attention to your signs; there given to you for a reason.
- In the words of Dr. Maya Angelou: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them”.
- A dilemma is nothing but pieces of a puzzle. After you get enough pieces you finally can put the whole picture together again.
- When a relationship is ended in an immature manner such as this that is game and non-loyalty being removed out of your life.
- True love comes after spending four seasons with a person and this way u see all sides of them – happy, sad, mad and indifferent.
- People don’t change over-night unless something is going on.
TOC RED FLAGS
- Anyone in a relationship they are happy in doesn't anticipate the demise of the relationship.
- Always watch a woman that always tell you I won't do this or I won't do that, there is always a hidden agenda.
- Because you are the nice guy that you say you are, she took you out of your character. Any woman that makes you carry on other than your normal self, is not worth being with.
- From the onset there was some sort of problem with communicating, because she has discussed her feelings (both good and bad) through letters/email. The sign of a happy and healthy relationship is when people can talk to each other. I see that she said please? Don’t change? But I’m not sure what that means, because it could mean a variety of things, but to be honest with you, she appears to have been unsure about the relationship from the beginning and was just going through the motions hoping that she could make herself happy because you were good to her.
- When a woman cannot tell you how she feels to your face...she is not heart-felt nor real about it.
- My take on the situation is that you could have been a rebound guy (dude). It has classic rebound relationship written all over it. Ur always the same when I talk or see u, Just don't change, I will always be there for u, I will never abandon u, and the ultimate: Just love me. These are all statements of a woman who has been hurt, depressed and searching for happiness without mourning the death of the old relationship. She saw you as a saint because you did and said things that she longed to hear and feel from the previous relationship.
- There is one thing in her first letter that would have given me the “Hibby Jibbies” (as we say in the south) that is “all I want from u is you to love me.” That was the first sign, to me that something was missing in herself. Because what she should have said was I want to make you happy as you have made me.
- She wanted something really bad, and you weren't giving it to her fast enough. (Insecurity clue).
WHAT DO TO
- After you get the maximum f-u from her you will still be angry. This called Suffering. You must take care of your anger.
- It is important to learn how to control your emotions; else your emotions will control you. - Author
- All you can do is say her lost and keep moving on. It may be hard at first but you'll be ok.
- Answer her call and let her know how u feel about everything. Then if she act as if she still don't care then take my advice that I give myself: grow da fuck up, get da fuck over it and move da fuck on.
- Answer her call and tell her that since she didn't come get her stuff you had no other recourse than to get rid of it because u cleaned out ur place for the new year...she will probably be mad but hey it's too late...tell her that u no longer wish to communicate with her and please do not contact you by any form of communication (i.e. phone, email, text, etc.)...say goodbye and hang up...all this should be said without giving her a chance to say anything because women always want to interject (don't let her)...then say goodbye and hang up before she could say anything because this would make her so angry...do not and I repeat do not take anymore of her phone calls...during the conversation do not yell but keep your voice even toned and she will hit the roof...Trust me on this one I’m a woman (no cursing or yelling because she will know that she's getting to you)
- Continue to ignore her since she had NO DISCRETION WHEN SHE MAILED THOSE KEYS - She was not looking out for you SO why should you give her any satisfaction in giving her ANYTHING BACK.....Heck NO - Let her boil in her frustrations and be happy where her choices have sent her.
- Do not snub her anymore, but do not disrespect & intentionally hurt her either. Stay even toned & as sweet as she knows u r. That will kill her!
REASONS FOR LEAVING
- (Referring to Internet): This is the international highway to lies, deceit and sex. No honesty here.
- What she was saying about you needing to love yourself first...maybe she needs to take her own advice; because if you were good to this woman and everything was going fine...if she indeed loves herself as she should, she would have been able to open up and let love happen.
- Another possibility could be what she wrote in the email is the truth. Sometimes when women meet someone who is really good to us we want to feel something for that person so we continue with the relationship hoping that “those” feelings will come.
- As a registered nurse, I am familiar with the pharmacodynamics of psychotrophic medication. If she is on medication for depression she could be extremely ambivalent and inconsistent.
- As I said before you live a distance away and only get the weekend, there is someone else benefiting during the week.
- DAMN Andrew, your’e getting good! You said it yourself sweety, she is probably mad that you aren’t chasing her and also because you didn’t respond to her IM.
- Don't get me wrong...her feelings according to the first note could have been true to a degree. She just got caught up and had to flip the script. This has no reflection on you...you was a player of this game that some people play...you just didn't know.
- I feel so bad 4 u both - cause u need some1 to love u the way a good, strong and powerful man should be loved...and she gets love and throws it away, lookin 4 something that may take her further into depression!
- I'm gonna be brutally honest w/you (if I may)...she met & fell in love w/someone else. Period. I have said to a man some of the exact things she said to you! And the reason I said those things & broke it off was because I was in love w/someone else! So she is right about one thing; it's nothing YOU did...she just didn't have those feelings for you, but since you treated her so well, common sense dictated to her that she should try to love you because you're a good guy. But the feelings weren't there on her part, no matter how hard she tried!
- Forget that gold-digger, bipolar, mailing my keys in the regular mail with no box idiot, sayin I’m a playa!
- You were a temporary fix to something that she may have hope to last but didn't. She was not true to herself nor you. She didn't care about you and I’m not sure why you continued with such a mockery of your feelings. Someone else was mowing the lawn there and manicuring the bushes when you wasn't around. Sorry to say but she was just not into you and really didn't know how to be a woman and live up to begin one by begin honest for the start. Let sleeping dogs lie and move on. WHEN YOU LAY DOWN WITH DOGS YOU WAKE UP WITH FLEAS…and she was infested with them!